How to Set & Maintain Your Boundaries
u do not have to attend every conversation you are invited to.
To grow you must set boundaries. Having healthy boundaries means knowing and understanding what your limits are. Rude, aggressive, toxic, bossy behavior is not acceptable. You were likely never taught how to teach people how to treat you and therefore you reinforce undesirable behavior. It’s your responsibility to set your boundaries and reinforce your boundaries so you can create real happiness in your own life.
What are boundaries?
A line that marks the limits of an area
A boundary is when you examine your values and based on your values you detail acceptable and unacceptable behavior. Setting and sustaining boundaries is a skill. Your yes(s) and no(s) are what boundaries are made of.
Why do we need boundaries?
Because people can be toxic
Because people can be negative
Because people can be intrusive
Because people can be draining
How do you set and sustain boundaries?
Using the acronym S.T.O.P. will help you set and sustain your boundaries.
10:40 | S is for satisfying your needs before other people’s wants. Specifically, I’m talking about satisfying the six core human needs as defined by Tony Robbins. The six core human needs are certainty, uncertainty, love, significance, growth, and contribution. It is your responsibility to satisfy your core needs before the wants of others.
19:29 | T is for taking inventory of your values. You set your boundaries based on your values. If you don’t know your values you won’t know where to draw a line that limits others.
27:49 | O is overstating the obvious. It is your responsibility to share your limits with other people. Given that boundaries are based on your values, you must also be willing to share your boundaries. You will find yourself overstating things that seem obvious to you–state them anyway.
34:55 | P is protecting your self-reflect. You are lastly responsible for protecting your self-respect. Which really means protecting; knowing, liking, and loving yourself. Every time you allow someone to violate a boundary your self-respect is at risk. You must decide well before your boundary is every violated whether or not you are willing to pay to the cost of setting a boundary.
I didn’t mention it in the Podcast but a book I’m adding this book to my winter reading list is: Boundaries by Henry Cloud and John Townsend
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